oops.

i’ve entirely neglected writing at all; whether it be here or in my actual journal.
i can’t help it. i’m busy anymore.
there have been lots of things to go on, so many i couldn’t even begin to describe.

but i’ve been visiting my dad at his workplace pretty much everyday.
i may have a job. well, i thought i did. i’m going job hunting tomorrow, yet again.

umm .. it’s bedtime, i’m sleepy.
g’night.

Add a comment October 15, 2007

SO sick.

i am so fucking fed up with this “you told him i knew the password” bullshit. & that’s exactly what it is – bullshit! i’m done with it, over it. why can’t everyone else fucking get a grip on everything & stop wanting so much drama in our lives?! fine, don’t trust me. i could give two shits. don’t tell me anything, i could care less about that, either.

UGH. i’m just so fucking tired of dramadramadrama. high school drama. i’ve been there, done that. now maybe everyone else needs to get over it, too.

Add a comment September 21, 2007

praying !

i am absolutely praying everything works out with this itt tech stuff. i mapquested the directions from my house to ashley & nick’s, & it’s 3 hours & so many odd minutes. i mapquested them from their apartment to itt tech, & they’re a mere 8 minutes away.

everything is going so good so far. i just hope something doesn’t screw up along the way .. !

Add a comment September 21, 2007

why .. ?

does it seem no matter what i do, my mom always has to put me down for it? even if it’s benefiting me? i guess she wants me to stay in this small, hick town, no matter how much she’s talked about wanting me to get an education & get up on out of here .. but if that’s so true, then why does she always come to me with the downfall of every decision i make, no sense of optimism at all?

Add a comment September 20, 2007

my poooor wedding.

nobody cares about it .. but me. today we were supposed to go look at wedding bands. guess what we’re not doing ?! he has to work on someone’s computer. yeah, extra money for him, yay. but i think our wedding is just a tad bit more important than someone’s computer that is constantly messing up somehow ( no joke ).

if we haven’t picked out a church by december, then we’re just going to have a courthouse wedding because i cannot do this all by myself. he has GOT to start pulling his weight !!

Add a comment September 17, 2007

☆RANDOM☆

everyone knows i haven’t written in awhile. the reason behind this is – school. it’s taking up most of my time .. what halo isn’t;) i love that game, & i can’t wait for the 25th for it to come out ! it makes me so happy.

nothing really exciting has happened. i hate school, like .. entirely hate it. but i’ve gotta do it, & i heard some news the other day that’s making me strive to do this & more. my grandpa was bragging about how ‘ his boys were going to college & they were going to be a success. ‘ hello – sara’s going to college. & sara actually has chosen a major. do i get any praise ? no. & in fact, when he was asked, ‘ well, what about sara ? i hear she’s going to college ? ‘ he got mad & hung up. pussy. i hate that man. & the sad thing is, he used to be pretty much my bff. i loved my grandpa, more than anything, with all my heart. & now .. well. now i could just care less. karma will come & bite him on the ass, & i can’t wait, cause when it does, it will be glorious.

but anyways. to get my associates in business and more, i’ll be taking other classes to get my bachelor’s in forensic science .. so i can be a CSI. applicants need to have an associates degree in applied science ( which i’m getting now ) or a bachelor’s in forensic science, biology, or chemistry. some employers vary one over the other, so i just assume to get the bachelors along with the associates. they make $21.16 an hour, as to where my medical transcription makes $13 – $16 an hour.

i want to stop so bad .. but being said i wasn’t going to be successful, hell no. don’t tell me i can’t or won’t do something. i’ll strive.

Add a comment September 16, 2007

lots of life’s updates !

i officially hate my mom’s boyfriend. he’s just .. not good for her. he doesn’t have enough common sense to be her boyfriend .. ? i don’t understand why she’s with him. he doesn’t have the common sense, but he likes to pretend he does. he likes to make everyone seem stupid & that he knows everything about everything .. when he knows about nothing.

& i hate my dad’s girlfriend, too. she’s worthless. an absolute waste of every element. she doesn’t help my dad do anything. she’s always working him to death on that house, making him do all the work while she lays in bed on her ass all damn day. but i’m thinking that maybe whenever someone comes over & she doesn’t come out is maybe because she’s actually ashamed at how things turned out ? hm. i doubt it. she doesn’t seem to have any emotions left, the drugs probably fried it all out of her. but anyway. my dad works his ass off on the job & while he’s at home. she wanted the house stripped of everything .. the tiling on the walls, the carpet from the floors, even the linolium from the kitchen. she wouldn’t let me in whenever i went to see him, so we had to stand & talk outside. he let me look in & he said, ‘ it looks like a crack house .. ‘ well duh, it was her idea. it’s all she’s ever been used to .. but ANYWAY. she wanted the house stripped. she didn’t help with any of it. my dad has done everything she’s asked & i bet she hasn’t even thanked him for any of it. she’s crazy psycho insane ! i do believe it would’ve been my dad’s best interest to leave her in that mental home. just left her there & never looked back, never thought twice. i’m slowly seeing now why she was in there in the first place.

damn meth addict. i swear, i catch shit for wanting to move in with one of my black friends, but no one says anything to my dad for moving in with an addict. wtf ? i think i’d rather my daughter move in with one of her black friends than even be around all that stuff. i mean, c’mon. what’s better ? a sober, clean black dude or a nasty drug addict, who’s got hepatitis b & c & is currently suffering cirrhosis of the liver ? you be the judge.

now, about my mouse. there’s a mouse living in my closet, it’s favorite room being my room. it runs to my room for everything. at first i was a little spooked .. but now i kindof giggle about it. poor little guy. he’s so cute ! he’s a tiny little thing. he’s obviously smart, too. i set out a nonlethal trap that closes doors on both sides of this little box. well .. last night sometime, he ate all the peanut butter & managed to escape without the doors closing on him. i woke up this morning & was so excited to see both doors closed, & i was so sure i had a mouse. it wasn’t until my mom shook the box that i realized .. false alarm. ohh, mousey .. if all mouses were as smart as you .. !

i hate this college crap. it’s taken all my friends away from me. i miss them so much ! i miss my little babies back at the high school, & i miss my friends who have moved away & gone off to college. i hate not seeing them every weekend. it kind of sucks .. but i’m happy for them, & this is something we’ve gotta do, as shitty as it is.

Add a comment September 8, 2007

wishing, again.

i really want to have a baby:'(

Add a comment September 5, 2007

ugh.

there is a huge list to do for our wedding, which is only 10 months away. there is a lot that has to be done. just to give you a taste:

1. find apartment.
2. find a church.
3. get wedding bands.
4. get wedding dress.
5. find venue ( if the church doesn’t have a reception area ).
6. get decorations.
7. find someone to do my flowers.

that’s only a taste. that’s what i can think of off the top of my head. all that ? it can take months, especially finding an apartment around here. & it’s like chris doesn’t care about any of it.

why ?

Add a comment September 5, 2007

interesting.

a very unique piece of art.

i hate spiders, but i thought this tiny web was so cute !

Add a comment September 5, 2007

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